Interview: Oliver Ainley, another Brit in Australia

Ollie: We are sitting in a beer garden at the London Tavern, in Richmond, Melbourne. There are TVs everywhere, all showing different sports: ice hockey, tennis, cricket, horse racing. It’s not exactly where I’d imagine we’d be doing this interview.

Ollie: The week started off with a bang for sure. I had a flexible cystoscopy which is where a health professional puts a camera up your ‘you know what’ to have a look at your bladder which was one of the wildest experiences I’ve had for a long time.

Tom: I can’t believe we’ve not spoken about that yet! Do you want to talk about that now?

Ollie: Yeah can do. I arrived at 8am, but didn’t actually get into the room until about 10:30am. So I was sitting there for two and a half hours just thinking about it. When I finally went in, I wondered whether it would be a male or female doctor. It ended up being a female doctor, plus a female nurse and then there were three or four other female doctors just coming in and out. It felt like a real thoroughfare. 

Tom: They didn’t warn you that multiple people might be watching? It reminds me of a Friends episode where Ross gets a mole checked by a doctor who needs a second opinion and it flashes forward to a whole room of doctors examining him with his pants down, feeling exposed.

Ollie: I’m getting back into the swing of things after a month off work. When I came back from Sydney last week, I definitely had the blues from missing family and friends (who came over for Christmas) and I found myself wishing I could rewind and do it all over again. But now I’m back into a routine which has been good: gym, cooking at home, cinema, early nights during the week. There’s something really grounding about doing small, normal things again - knowing what day it is, having places I go regularly.

Tom: Structure helps?

Ollie: Massively. I feel more at ease when I know what my day and week will look like.

Tom: It’s been a big month, a lot of socialising and a lot of drinking too.

Ollie: Yeah, I’m backing off on the alcohol for sure. I’ve got a festival in early March, which I’ll probably drink at, but until then I want to do a dry period - maybe ‘Dry Feb’.

Ollie: I’d wake up (always a good start) and go to my favourite coffee shop - Juanito’s in Brunswick East. The guy who owns it is a legend. Then I’d go to the gym, have a good workout, cycle home - probably all done by 10 or 11. Then I’d get changed into something sexy.

Tom: At 11am? Already?

Ollie: 11am is sexy time! Then I’d go to a day music event with friends, or to a pub, have some pints, bit of food. It’s nice and sunny on this day too obviously. 

Tom: Who would be there?

Ollie: I’m in a Facebook chat from a music festival I went to last year. It includes about seven or eight people I’m really close with. I’d want them there, plus maybe a few others I’ve met on nights out. Around ten or eleven people total.

Ollie: At first, yes. The first few weeks were great because I had to consciously put myself out there. Most people move countries with someone or meet people through a job they have lined up. I didn’t know anyone and only had a couple of loose connections. Angela, the sister of one of my London mates and another guy I met at a Japanese hostel, that was it. 

I wanted to do something by myself and start again and be friends with people on my own terms. However, on the flip side, about three months in I got a bit anxious because I realised I’m someone who needs a few really close friends rather than lots of acquaintances. It felt a bit like freshers week at university where you’re not quite sure how much you click with people. So yeah I missed that depth to my friendships that I had back in the U.K. Of course it’s unrealistic to expect deep friendships after a month or two. But at the time, it really got to me.

Tom: How are you at putting yourself out there to establish these relationships?

Ollie: I think I’m pretty good at that. I understand how important it is to make the first step sometimes. My first Saturday night, I went to a music event alone and got chatting to a guy called Connor. He introduced me to his friends, invited me to a house party the next weekend. I don’t see them anymore, but it helped me feel like I’d got started.

But going back to that festival I mentioned earlier, that was the game-changer as I met people who I genuinely found funny and they found me funny(!). That weekend was huge, it made me feel part of something.

Ollie: I went on a date with an Irish girl a while back who felt Australians were cold, but I don’t think so - I’ve found them all pretty friendly. 

Tom: I definitely felt a welcoming vibe when I got to Melbourne - people are genuinely interested in you and where you’ve come from. Obviously there’s a lot of expats too, particularly from the UK and Ireland I’ve found. What’s the complexion of your friendship group?

Ollie: My group now is probably 55% Australian/New Zealand, 35% English, and 10% international.

Tom: That’s interesting because our friendship group back home is 100% English.

Ollie: This is the thing. When’s the last time you made a new friend back in the UK? In the UK, you might have a great night with someone and never see them again. It feels like people make an effort to continue the relationship here.

Ollie: It wasn’t always going to be Australia but I did want to live and work abroad before turning 30. Initially I looked at Amsterdam and Berlin, but Europe became difficult post‑Brexit, so I looked further afield. I’d met someone in Japan who was from Melbourne and reached out to him online about whether I should move here - all he said was ‘it’s sick mate’ and that was enough for me. I bought a ticket the next week. The visa was easy and there’s no language barrier. Melbourne was the only Australian city I really considered. Now that I’m here, I’m even more sure it was the right choice.

Tom: What does Melbourne offer compared to a city like Sydney or Brisbane?

Ollie: It’s more liberal, left‑leaning and progressive than other Australian cities - and has a lot going on culturally. It’s a bit like how they call Austin the jewel in the Texas crown, Melbourne is similar - a progressive bubble. I do recognise that it’s a bit of an echo-chamber though and does not reflect wider Australia.

Ollie: In all honesty, towards the end of my time in London I got really anxious walking around, especially where we lived. Everywhere felt loaded with memories of past connections or regret from serious and more fleeting relationships. I was walking through streets, pubs, even random corners where something had happened at some one point that I didn’t want to be reminded of. It sounds dramatic, but it genuinely wore me down over time.

Tom: What else was London not giving you?

Ollie: London’s also tough if you’re not well paid. I was constantly juggling creative work and odd jobs. I was either writing, painting or working as a Deliveroo driver. It’s fun, but it’s hard. I’d be very surprised if I ever move back to London to be honest.

Ollie: I think I’m a better version of myself. Obviously I’m a bit older and wiser (well I think at least) but the whole experience of moving out here challenged me in a good way as I didn’t have the comfort blanket of leaning on other people due to timezones and being so far away. I have been forced to work a lot of problems out on my own.

I’ve also been working on my relationship with alcohol and it’s better than it was before. I’m not drinking as much at the moment and I’ve established a good habit with going to the gym which has really helped.

Tom: How has the move changed the way you view your relationships?

Ollie: If anything it’s just clarified who really matters in my life. My siblings and cousins especially - I miss them a lot. To be honest, in the long term, I don’t think I could live permanently this far away from them, especially if my brothers or sister were to have kids at some point down the line. I would need to be a part of that.

Ollie: I’m definitely not on the move or passing through right now. I like routine, my coffee shop, my favourite club, my gym, and my friends. I’ll travel again in the future to New Zealand and Korea I’m sure but I don’t want to be constantly moving.

Tom: How do you envisage the next few years then?

Ollie: That said, I don’t see myself here (Melbourne) in ten years. Five? Maybe as long as things line up with work and I get sponsorship for a job I like.

Ollie: It’s hard for me to answer this question. I’m very methodical, always have been. For instance, I’ll get my visa and flights sorted well in advance, and a house to stay in but I don’t actually think what it’s going to be like when I get there. My grandma asked me the day before I left “what do you think it’s going to be like?’” And I was like “I have absolutely no idea”.

Tom: It’s interesting because you seem to like to have control over some things and not others. But getting back to some advice…

Ollie: It sounds generic but be open‑minded and do things outside of your comfort zone. Especially socially. It doesn’t come super naturally to me but it’s good to know I can still make friends on the other side of the world where I didn’t really know anybody at first. 

And try to live where you are and be present rather than constantly reporting back home. Obviously it’s really nice to hear from people back home but it can feel like you’re living two lives sometimes.

Ollie: Get out of there. ASAP. Follow your gut. I think it was the right decision. The only thing I would prepare myself for is that my career stalled by the fact that I’m working in a pub and shop and one day a week at a radio station. I’ve applied for more creative jobs and it often starts with a really positive interaction and genuine interest but then we get to the ‘visa question' and I’m almost automatically taken out of the recruitment process. I feel like I’m hitting my head on this a lot unfortunately. 

Tom: Wait, so staying for five years is dependent on your work visa then?

Ollie: That’s right but I could also get a partnership visa. My friend Maddie has offered to do this with me which sounds a bit weird but it's quite common here. Essentially we’d have to prove our relationship and provide evidence we’re in a serious relationship, photos etc. Maybe I should get cracking with that actually.

Ollie: The other thing I’m conscious about is when you talk to people back home about how things are going you often tell people the highlights. But there have been challenges along the way from not enjoying work, drinking a bit too much, feeling a little lonely at times - or at least concerned about the amount of depth to some of my relationships out here and so on. The automatic response is to tell people it’s all good when it’s way more complicated than that. Life’s more complicated than that.

But look, it's been an amazing experience so far and I’m so glad I’ve come out here, met some amazing people and, in a way, started again on my own terms. I know I said I expect to be back in 5 years but honestly who knows how things will pan out.